


Freckles

by BialyLis



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Boys Being Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, They deserve happines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 08:04:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20111839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BialyLis/pseuds/BialyLis
Summary: Connor has freckles.Evan likes them a bit too much.





	Freckles

Connor has freckles.  
  
Of course, Evan had noticed it before. One can even say that whenever Connor took off his sweatshirt, exposing his arms, Evan wouldn't notice except the small, dark spots on the pale skin. He tried, really tried hard not to look at them more often than a completely normal, heterosexual boy would stare at the freckles of his completely platonic friend, to whom he absolutely does not feel any romantic attraction, but sometimes the temptation was just too strong. There was something fascinating, even hypnotizing in these brown points.  
  
They were a bit like the fluorescent stars that Heidi had once stuck to the ceiling in the children's room. Theoretically, they should have helped her son fall asleep. In practice, they made him lie until late hours, counting them, merging into new shapes and repeating in his mind the names of the constellations his father had once taught him. He liked two Great Bears the most of them all small and large, shaped like spoons, which he used to help his mother to measure ingredients for the dough. Baking together was nice, full of jokes, laughter and a pleasant feeling that his mother devotes her time completely and focuses only on him. Like a mother bear caring for a cup.  
  
Stars on the ceiling have always been far, still and monotonous. The Connor's freckles have darkened or faded depending on the weather, and their layout has changed with each movement of lean arms and they were as inaccessible as the stars, if not more. Evan sometimes imagined that he was reaching out and moving his fingers up and down, gently stroking the pale skin. He wondered if it was possible for Connor's body to be as warm as he has always thought, just as soft and touch-sensitive as he has sometimes seen in his dreams. Very realistic dreams. One of those after which it's hard to look the other person in the eyes.  
  
So... okay, this „heterosexual” may be a bit exaggerated. Maybe he exaggerated even more than „a bit”. Maybe he was just a „frecklesexual”? Or „Connorosexual”, which didn't make any difference, because the freckles were part of Connor and that's what made them so special. Everything in Connor was special. Dark hair gathered in a sloppy bun, stubby nose, dimples in his cheeks when he smiles, even the way he rolled his eyes. But the freckles were the most amazing of all this.  
  
Maybe because few people knew about them. Connor rarely showed up in short sleeves, even now when warm days happened more than often. Perhaps Evan felt slightly distinguished, as if he had been admitted to some great mystery. Maybe they were just a good excuse to explain to yourself why he looks at the other boy so often and for such a long time. Maybe they were going to give him other reason than the usual „I want to touch him”.  
  
Anyway: Connor has freckles. And Evan was staring at them from the moment they entered the house and sat down on the couch, enjoying Heidi's absence. In addition, he was so absorbed that he did not even notice how ostentatiously he was doing it.  
  
„Could you stop?” He heard suddenly.  
  
He blinked. Slowly, with reluctance and regret, he tore his eyes from the small dots on his shoulders and looked up straight at Connor's irritated face.  
  
„You're staring” Connor growled, and though he seemed angry at the same time, he was shrinking in himself, pressing his bare arms firmly to his sides and clenching his hands.  
  
Evan felt himself turning red.  
  
„I'm sorry...” he mumbled, staring at his feet, scrubbing the carpet in a nervous tick. Did he come off as a freakWas Connor uncomfortable? He should have been more careful. What if the boy would start to guess something, if he would call him strange or abnormal or perverted, if he would go right away, if...  
  
Connor did none of those things. Instead, he drew in a deep breath, held it in his lungs a few seconds, then let it out, loud and slow, as if he had enlisted a portion of the nicotine he'd already promised not to smoke.  
  
„Don't apologize” he murmured, and this time he seemed more sad than angry. Wounded. „I'm used to people doing it. But it just pisses me off.” He frowned again. „If I wanted someone to stare at my scar, I would go to group therapy.”  
  
Evan blinked. Again. He glanced quickly at the arms still over his shoulders and blinked for the third time.  
  
Oh.  
  
...Oooh!  
  
„I did not stare at your scars!” he protested, feeling so offended by a that accusation that he completely forgot about withdrawal and fear. „Why would I do this?”  
  
Okay, that was a bit of a grudge, because the first time he saw a friend without a shirt, he could not take his eyes off the scars on his arms. Part of it was fresh, some of it was a bit older, and behind each of them was an event, a moment in which Connor simply could not bear with himself anymore, in his body, in his head, in his life. Together, it made up the whole story and revealed more than he probably ever wanted to tell anyone. And yet, in some indirect way, he told Evan. And he would never ever use it against him.  
  
Connor frowned.  
  
„I don't know why” he grumbled, but the long fingers relaxed the grip. „But you do it all the time. I see it. I feel it”  
  
Evan opened his mouth to argue again, but immediately realized that his courage already had its limits. For a moment he froze, still with an idiot look, searching for any words that would not sound strange, but it's hard when you try to explain something that is just weird. Eventually, when the silence became very uncomfortable, he gathered enough to stifle the quiet:  
  
„You have freckles.”  
  
Connor did not answer right away.  
  
„What?” he muttered after a long moment.  
  
„You have freckles” Evan repeated a little louder, his eyes focused on his socks, still scrubbing the carpet, as if he was planning to open his own power station. „And I... like them? I like to look at them. They are nice.”  
  
If he could go back in time, he would be very keen to use it to kick himself from two seconds ago. „I like to look at them”, great, Evan, bravo, the perfect way to scare away one friend who lets you call him that. No, take it back. The only friend at all. Period.  
  
Meanwhile, Connor seemed somewhat overwhelmed by reality. He lowered his hands, allowing them to fall free along the body, his back against the pillows, and his head leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling with an unreadable face. Evan considered for a second whether he should mention fluorescent stars, but decided that he would only make fun of yourself.  
  
„So... you like my freckles?”  
  
Evan groaned inwardly, because it sounded even stranger in Connor's mouth than in his own.  
  
„Maybe...” he said, glancing at the boy stealthily and immediately regretting it when their eyes meet. He wondered if there was a limit, how many times a man can blush.  
  
Connor's lips trembled slightly, and for a second Evan feared that the boy would shout at him, call him names or simply call him a liar, but instead a slightly malicious smile appeared on his face.  
  
„That's the most crazy thing someone has ever told me in my life” he snorted, but he looked strangely pleased and his eyes shone in a way that Evan had never seen before and could not name.  
  
„I'm sorry” he said, not knowing what else to do, but Connor just shook his head.  
  
„I didn't say I didn't like it” he said lightly, and Evan's heart barely stand it, because suddenly the space between them seemed suspiciously small, thick and he could swear he could sense the warmth of the other boy.  
  
And then Connor suddenly pulled his legs up on the couch and moved his hands and knees closer until their noses almost touched. Long fingers easily found their way to Evan's thigh, squeezing it slightly above the knee.  
  
Evan swallowed, suddenly realizing he was wrong. It was not just the freckles that reminded him of the stars - Connor was all made of small, inconspicuous things that tempted, fascinated and made him damn special.  
  
And there was absolutely no power able to stop him.  
  
It surprised him somewhat that his hands didn't shake when he lifted them up and as slowly and gently as if he was touching something unimaginably fragile. He moved his fingertips over Connor's naked shoulders. Perhaps sometimes that's what happens when the right thought finally jumps into the right place and everything finally becomes clear and so damn sure, as if there was never any risk. And Connor's skin was very settled, very warm and very, very material, closer than the stars, nice memories and dreams of a bear. Closer to anything that Evan ever touched and looked at.  
  
He raised his head and for the first time didn't look away. Connor stared at him equally intensely, he could smell him, and in response to the touch Connor's hand moved suddenly, stroking Evan's cheek.  
  
It was enough. It was like a quiet click in your head, when combining points in the sky you finally find the right pattern and everything suddenly becomes understandable. Individual stars are beautiful, but the constellations contain legends, secrets and sometimes even the future.  
  
The moment Connor kissed him, Evan realized he had just heard one of those prophecies.  
  
And that he would like to follow her very much.  


**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, I don't usually write in english, sooo... Be gentle?


End file.
